A friend of mine recently made an offer to spend a week with me.
She was in the market for a new bb, so I offered to buy her some tickets.
When she read that it would be a weekend trip, she was shocked and felt bad.
After all, she’d been on the bbc circuit for two years and I’d just been introduced to her by another girl.
She hadn’t been in a relationship for a while, and was now single, so she’d be spending her weekends with someone else.
I was a bit shocked too, but I thought, “This is what’s normal.
I’m going to make this happen.
She’ll get to see the bb she wants, and she’ll be happy.
And I’ll be the one who helps her through her anxiety.”
I felt so guilty for not being there for her, but the moment she read the ad she was so relieved to finally have someone to talk to.
I took her to a nearby restaurant to have dinner and then took her home.
She told me later that the night before, when she had to go to the airport and fly back to the US, she didn’t know what to expect and was feeling so overwhelmed.
She also mentioned that she felt anxious because she was trying to figure out if the bbb would be okay with her.
I wanted to be there to comfort her, and I wanted the bbp to know that I appreciated their concern.
But I also didn’t want to be the person who was supposed to help her.
“I don’t feel comfortable spending a weekend with someone who’s going to spend it with me,” she said.
The first time she had an anxiety attack, she got into a taxi, got out and went to the hotel lobby.
I didn’t have to make the decision to let her get back in the cab, but it felt like the worst decision I could have made.
I thought about how my own experience with anxiety had led me to feel guilty when I couldn’t be there for someone who was going through a hard time, but that wasn’t what I was going to be doing.
I needed to be around to comfort someone.
I felt like I needed an escape.
But when she got back in her car and I went out to a park, I was worried about her.
She didn’t seem like the type to go out alone, so it was hard to convince her that it was okay for her to go on the road.
She asked me to go over and get a drink of water, and we sat and talked for a bit.
We were talking about the challenges she had been having lately.
“You’ve been feeling stressed, like you need a break from all this,” she told me.
“But how long can you go without eating, and what are you going to do if you’re hungry?”
“I can’t eat,” I said.
“That’s just not normal,” she replied.
She seemed to understand the anxiety.
“So what are the options for you?”
I said, “I have a lot of work to do, so if I can’t go out, I’ll have to find something else.”
I wanted her to understand how she needed to make that decision.
So I suggested we go to an ice cream parlour.
“If you want a break, that’s fine,” she agreed.
“There’s nothing wrong with that,” I told her.
But what about when you want to go, but you feel anxious because you’re stressed about your own life?
“I feel anxious about going alone,” she sighed.
“It’s not my thing.”
She seemed so relieved that I was there for a change, and her worry seemed like a huge relief.
But it was still hard for me to convince my friend that the bbf could be a safe and comfortable space for her.
The next morning, I went to her apartment to ask her about her experience.
“She’s just feeling scared and stressed about everything,” she admitted.
“And that’s what’s making her anxious.
That’s the reason I’m not feeling safe.”
It felt like a relief to know she understood, but she was worried I was making the decision too late.
“Don’t you want someone to listen to you?” she asked.
I told the truth and asked her if I could just stay in her apartment for a little bit.
She had never been to a bbf before, so her experience felt different.
“Just hang out,” I suggested.
“We’re not going to have to go anywhere.
We’re going to talk about this.”
She didn, and as soon as we were alone, I explained the situation.
I started to tell her how anxious I was about going on the trip.
“Your boyfriend is going to go,” I explained, “and it’s just going to take a little while to get over your anxiety.”